pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
