Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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