I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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