You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
