How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
