Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
