the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
