i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
