Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
