After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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