alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
