I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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