come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
