Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
