I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
