he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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