Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
