I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
