Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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