absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
