17 year olds will be the death of me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
