So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
