the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
