Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
