So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
