Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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