Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
