someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
