You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She told me I should be a condom model.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
