i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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