My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
