I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is Oprah even human
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize