weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We got so high we made milksteak
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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