Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
