You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
