the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
