Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
