just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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