first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
