Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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