Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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