I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im holly from the hills drunk
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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