After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
