so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
as a side note pls kill me
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