upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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