two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
