Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
