i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Someone came in the potted fern
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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