either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
