these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize