yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
