you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
