Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
