It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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