i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
