So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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