I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
