His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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