my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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