So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
