did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
