Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
