I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
