I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
