Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
