I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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