Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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