I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
