I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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