and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
