She's JV to your varsity
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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