Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
