The maid of honor just puked.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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