How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
