Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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