You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
