Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
