i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
