Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
