Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
