I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
